A Phrase All Tourists Should Learn By Heart
Your Brave Leader's Most Benevolent Mother sent him a gift last week, in the form of the Garmin nüvi 660 GPS navigator.
This little machine is a marvel of modern technology. I don't know how many of you have GPS devices in your cars, but I've never really used one. I always assumed they didn't really work. Well, they do. In fact, mine even seems to have a personality. If you go off-route, forcing the device to recalculate, she says to you, "Recalculating" in a snotty, pissed-off voice. I love how she verbally abuses me!
Via Bluetooth, she can also read text messages aloud. Considering the types of text messages I receive (example: "Your dick juice tastes so good in my mouth") and send (example: "'Sup my little bitch?") this feature has given me hours of mirth.
But by far the feature that I am most grateful for is the Language Guide, which contains travel phrasebooks in Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese and German. While it only comes with a trial version, it's still awesome enough that I want to buy the whole thing even though I have no use for it!
I mean, there I was, just browsing through German words beginning with "a" and I came across abortion. I really couldn't think of a more important word to know in a foreign language. After all, European Grand Tours often end in unplanned pregnancy requiring a quick suck-job before returning to the Hamptons.
But then I clicked on abortion to find out how they say it in German. Here is what came up:
So, if you're traveling in Germany and opt to go the back-alley route, you can do that too!
Of course, Germany is not the abortion-friendliest European country. Abortion is legal only in the first trimester after a three day waiting period and counselling. The German high court has ruled that the constitution protects life from conception, but that the state can choose not to punish first trimester abortions. So, if you don't want an illegale Abtreibung, make sure to get your abortion in the first twelve weeks of pregnancy!
Also, see that part above that says durch Engelmacher? It took me a little Google-age to translate that (my Garmin only goes English-to-German), but it turns out that Engelmacher means "back-alley abortionist." So, Abtreibung durch Engelmacherin is "abortion by a backstreet abortionist." I find this both amusing and revelatory. Abortionist is a pretty clinical, even harsh, word. Engelmacherin isn't a word I can quite figure out how to literally translate , but Engel means "angel." Macherin, the feminine form of macher, has a lot of meanings, most commonly (according to the internets) "big shot". At first, I thought perhaps the right meaning here was "wright" -- but that only makes sense if it were Abtreibungmacherin (abortion-wright, which I think I'll put on my business card!), since "angel-wright" doesn't make much sense. Then I saw "doer" and I think this is the best I can come up with. Engelmacherin means "angel-doer", perhaps equivalent to English idioms like "saint" or "do-gooder" or even "miracle-worker." This is the kind of idiomatic expression that reveals the truth about abortion. The woman who braves the wrath of the law in order to help other women isn''t just an "abortionist", much less a murderer. She is an Engelmacherin
Any of y'all have better (i.e. any) German than me? Care to take a swing at it?
This little machine is a marvel of modern technology. I don't know how many of you have GPS devices in your cars, but I've never really used one. I always assumed they didn't really work. Well, they do. In fact, mine even seems to have a personality. If you go off-route, forcing the device to recalculate, she says to you, "Recalculating" in a snotty, pissed-off voice. I love how she verbally abuses me!
Via Bluetooth, she can also read text messages aloud. Considering the types of text messages I receive (example: "Your dick juice tastes so good in my mouth") and send (example: "'Sup my little bitch?") this feature has given me hours of mirth.
But by far the feature that I am most grateful for is the Language Guide, which contains travel phrasebooks in Spanish, French, Italian, Portuguese and German. While it only comes with a trial version, it's still awesome enough that I want to buy the whole thing even though I have no use for it!
I mean, there I was, just browsing through German words beginning with "a" and I came across abortion. I really couldn't think of a more important word to know in a foreign language. After all, European Grand Tours often end in unplanned pregnancy requiring a quick suck-job before returning to the Hamptons.
But then I clicked on abortion to find out how they say it in German. Here is what came up:
abortion n. Abtreibung, die; back-street ~: illegale Abtreibung (durch Engelmacherin)
So, if you're traveling in Germany and opt to go the back-alley route, you can do that too!
Of course, Germany is not the abortion-friendliest European country. Abortion is legal only in the first trimester after a three day waiting period and counselling. The German high court has ruled that the constitution protects life from conception, but that the state can choose not to punish first trimester abortions. So, if you don't want an illegale Abtreibung, make sure to get your abortion in the first twelve weeks of pregnancy!
Also, see that part above that says durch Engelmacher? It took me a little Google-age to translate that (my Garmin only goes English-to-German), but it turns out that Engelmacher means "back-alley abortionist." So, Abtreibung durch Engelmacherin is "abortion by a backstreet abortionist." I find this both amusing and revelatory. Abortionist is a pretty clinical, even harsh, word. Engelmacherin isn't a word I can quite figure out how to literally translate , but Engel means "angel." Macherin, the feminine form of macher, has a lot of meanings, most commonly (according to the internets) "big shot". At first, I thought perhaps the right meaning here was "wright" -- but that only makes sense if it were Abtreibungmacherin (abortion-wright, which I think I'll put on my business card!), since "angel-wright" doesn't make much sense. Then I saw "doer" and I think this is the best I can come up with. Engelmacherin means "angel-doer", perhaps equivalent to English idioms like "saint" or "do-gooder" or even "miracle-worker." This is the kind of idiomatic expression that reveals the truth about abortion. The woman who braves the wrath of the law in order to help other women isn''t just an "abortionist", much less a murderer. She is an Engelmacherin
Any of y'all have better (i.e. any) German than me? Care to take a swing at it?
posted by Joshua at 12:35 AM
1 Comments:
The last few times I've rented a car, I've opted for the GPS thing, and, yes, when she says "Recalculating" in that voice, you can hear the strained impatience coming through in dulcet electronic tones.
Z-Man took it one step further and thought that vocal style modules for the device would be great. We'd get the default female voice to do a package for fags: "Recalculating, queen! Stop smoking cock and drive!" and "Bitch, please, I told you not to go down that road." and "Turn right in one-point-five miles by the Kenneth Cole store. Warning: sale in progress."
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